I am in Venice.IMG_2018

I arrived yesterday, after spending a couple of great days with my sister, her husband and my favorite nieces and one of my favorite nephews in Munich.IMG_0243

I am here on a fellowship at the Scuola Internazionale di Grafica. I came with the goal of using their letterpress equipment and all kinds of fun stories have come to me around the printing of Joseph Brodsky’s Watermark by Peter Koch at Scuola. Before I arrived an acquaintance of mine told me a bit about the story behind Koch’s printing of it, involving floating a Vandercook #4 down the Grand Canal to Scuola so he could print it there. Once I arrived, another resident told me about it again. This is the press I will be using. It feels like there is all kinds of good and crazy juju with this press, for the Watermark printing was quite an ordeal, or so I have heard. I am looking forward to seeing proofs of it…I’m hoping it’s in the Scuola archives. We shall see.  And I had an LOL moment. This is the typecase layout:IMG_0245

Whoa, that is NOT a California Job Case. Of course not, I’m in Italy!

Everyone I have met in the past 30 hours has cautioned me about the letterpress equipment. That it’s totally a mess. I was prepared for a real nightmare, imagining some of what I cleaned and what my incredible interns cleaned over the years. (Thank you Carrie, Adriana, Sarah, Marli.) I investigated and determined it needs some love and attention, but that they have what I need to do something.  Who knows what that means!

Scuola’s type faces are a bit “dirty,” to use a letterpress term, (meaning the cases are mixed up by size and font), not too terribly, and very little cuts/forms. But what they do have fits into an every constant challenge of mine: time. I can’t WAIT to use these cuts.

I spent today, my first day, culling through my writings and readings, reviewing what I underlined and garnering it together with the hope of finding connecting threads. (Thank you Holly Wren Spaulding for the perfect blog post about just this today!) So far the circle seems tie it all together. No surprise there.

This was of course after a nice little run through San Marco and out to the Giardini, then a walk to an art supply store and finally arrival at Scuola. On the way home from Scuola, (which is on Cannaregio and my apartment is on San Marco) I stopped at Chiesa di Santo Stefano. My friend Marianne (brilliant pop-up and animation artist) inspired me to do what she did when she spent time in Venice, to visit a different church every day. So far I’m two for two! Wish me luck.

I’m here through February 20th, provided I don’t get too homesick. If you happen to be coming through, do let me know. I would love to do a cicchetti crawl with someone!

Begin again

Ah, here it is, the start of a new year. I am grateful to say goodbye to 2015, and delighted to welcome the opportunities of 2016. One of my end-of-the-year rituals involves cutting the flowers from one of my house plants, which I think is a type of lily. (If you know the name, can you please tell me in the comments?!) Doug and I hike with them to our reservoir and toss them into the current, offering them to the earth along with various prayers of gratitude for the past year and hopes for the new (25)

During December 2015, I participated in a weekly reflective activity designed by Kate Matsudaira, a technology executive and startup founder, who has been on the quest for the perfect notebook for more than 10 years. The SPARK notebook and organizing system celebrates the fun and beauty of organization and reaching one’s goals thanks to that organization. This is my first year using it, as I too, am on the search for the perfect notebook. Kate’s has many many attributes that I like, and I look forward to reporting how it helps me stay organized this next year.

But what I have really enjoyed are the four weeks of reflection she provided on her blog to help one examine that past year, and anticipate the upcoming year. She organized them by

  • Week #1Starting the new year with a bang!
  • Week #2 The Key to your Future
  • Week #3 Picking your 2016 Theme
  • Week#4 Making your goals your reality

I completed all of these worksheets and am fine-tuning my goals. I already have a number of commitments, which makes achieving these goals easier. But then there are the back burner goals that I want to move to the front burner. I’m hoping this system will help me make some progress in that arena.

I also close out my calendar of the year and begin afresh with a stark, white grid, ready for the new year. 2015 won’t be posted until late February when I return from my travels abroad. Scanning attempts were thwarted by bizarre technical difficulties. But you can look at past calendars here.

Until then, I wish you the best as you begin anew, and that you find whatever system that works for you to help you reach your (26)


Advent Day 25: Merry Christmas

When I am able to celebrate Christmas with my parents, which I am this year, it also means I become an honorary member of their choir for the night. Thankfully I have many years of chorale practice under my belt, and can still sight read music. Put me next to a strong soprano and I can keep up remarkably well. We closed the service with the one of my favorite Christmas carols: Joy to the World. The line “Let every heart prepare him room,” speaks volumes to me, especially when considering Thomas Merton’s words that I shared yesterday. I know some of you who read this blog are not religious–but regardless of your creed, to me “him” is light and love. How do we prepare our hearts for light and love to come and then go out back into the world?

If you have been reading my Advent entries this year, you know that I have had a challenging year, and am still navigating my way through the health challenges presented to me. It strikes me that opening our hearts to light and love is not a prescription, or a one-size fits all kind of event. But an everyday practice. Today’s celebration is not about the conspicuous consumption of material goods, it’s “making room for light and love” in our hearts. It’s easy to hide those “dark nights of the soul.” Light makes them clearer, love helps let them go.

Today I wish you a very joyful, love-filled and healthy Christmas. May your hearts be filled with light and love today and everyday through this next year. One Size Does Not Fit All


Advent Day 24: Dream

Today’s words come from Thomas Merton’s essay, “The Time of No Room” from 1965. It’s included in his books Raids on the Unspeakable, as well as A Thomas Merton Reader.

In “The Time of No Room” Thomas Merton reflects: “Into this world, this demented inn, in which there is absolutely no room for him at all, Christ has come uninvited. But because he cannot be at home in it—because he is out of place in it, and yet must be in it—his place is with those others who do not belong, who are rejected because they are regarded as weak; and with those who are discredited, who are denied the status of persons, and are tortured, exterminated. With those for whom there is no room, Christ is present in the world.”

It’s a short essay, and still relevant and timely today. 1965/2015. So many parallels. My Christmas dream centers in on the work that we all must still do to create a world where everyone feels like they belong, regardless of race, creed, gender, class or other label.Advent Day 24

This is my Christmas Eve meditation as I drive the 521.4 miles from Cheshire, MA to Hudson, OH for Christmas. Where is my place in this world? How do I use my gifts to make it better? Let us dream together how we can make a home for everyone, including ourselves in this demented world of ours.

Advent Day 23: Revise or censor?

Today’s collage if examined closely, contains numerous layers: papers that initially created cohesiveness, but after further consideration really did not. When that happens, I whip out the gesso and mask the area in question, hoping that it might neutralize the composition and help establish clarity. And while the gesso is out, it’s hard to resist the impulse to make little dots.

But really, what’s at play here is censorship. For those of you who know my Calendar Project, you may know that I battle with self-censorship on a daily basis. Once I realized that other people would look at and sometimes pour over my calendars (which happened nearly immediately), I began to censor what I included and couched other things in my own symbolic language.

So what is this collage really about?

This collage began with an homage to my bionic breast. A year ago today I joined a club to which I never imagined I would access when it became clear that there was something suspicious going on in my right breast. (I am sure many of you have memberships like that of your own.) And I consciously decided not to write about it in this blog. I did not and do not want to be that artist who used her blog and her art to heal her journey through breast cancer. (Which was and is pretty crazy, the second part at least, because I know full well the healing power of art.)

Here I am, just shy of three months from getting my bionic breast and a little over six months from having a mastectomy, and I am far from healed. Physically, yes, as my sister-in-law said to me at the start of this “to cut is to cure.” And indeed that cutting did cure me.

But as my surgeon told me last week, for some people it takes the mind and the heart about six months to catch up to the cutting. So what I am experiencing right now is completely normal. And I have to move through the anger, the vulnerability, and the fact that I may never comfortably do a push-up again.

There are so many parts of my story that are good. My disease was not invasive. I didn’t have to have chemo or radiation. My Douglas and his sisters are doctors, one of them a breast surgeon and all three were by my side at every step of this. My mom came out twice to help me, and made countless batches of sugar cookies to help me eat something when I didn’t want to eat anything. My friends called, walked with me and visited. My colleagues on Main Street pitched in and helped make PRESS’s final summer on Main Street a success. My parents’ friends and members of their church sent me flowers, cards and a prayer quilt. One of my cousin’s made me the best playlist ever of church hymns written by Jesuits in the 1970′s. Other family members sent food gift cards, mowed my labyrinth, filled my email with encouragement and sent letters and holy cards.

I am blessed that I am on sabbatical this year without the pressure of my teaching and college politics. And I ran five miles this morning at a 9:22 pace. (Thank you Ellen.)

And really, I know now that if I can cut off my breast, I can do anything. (Including getting into cold water.)

Advent Day 22: Happiness comes in waves

Many years ago I made an artist book entitled Happiness Comes in Waves. It’s a fantastic little book that utilizes one of my favorite structures, the flagbook. It was featured in 500 Handmade Books Volume II. Here’s the text:

Happiness comes in waves, like corduroy lined up ready to hit the shore as clarity, togetherness, contentment, joy. I remember sitting on my board in the deep blue-green, watching the sets of waves lumbering towards me. I waited for the one with the right drop that would give me the ride of my life all the way across the bay.

Learning the difference between the waves that would send me in and the waves that would dump me onto the coral reef straight ahead took practice, courage and faith. The best waves often loomed high above and scared me as they came off their line in the set. To get a good ride, I had to kick hard at the right moment and commit to riding the wave, confident in my choice and ready for whatever it offered.

One particular wave dumped me hard; tossing me between rises, gasping for air, choking on salt and sea, clawing to the surface scared and suffering, only to be knocked under again. My mind knew that the torture of the sets beating me down would end, for only a certain number of waves are in a set. But it was easy to forget this in the midst of the whirling water.

Eventually, the pounding ceased, and I was able to kick back out to the breaking point to wait for the next round. I knew that the ride to the bay, alive with bumps and thrills, pure joy and ecstasy would come.

I’m thinking about this artist book, the day after the solstice, largely because of the words that happened to become part of today’s collage. I wanted to use yellow and the paper with “catch a wave” kept coming into my trial arrangements. The text for Happiness Comes in Waves was written during a time when I needed to remind myself that the “dump” (the technical term for getting tossed off your surf board) into the churning water is part of every joyous ride. You practice, you learn. You begin to master a skill. Yet sometimes, no matter how practiced, primed and prepared you are, something dumps you off your ride. And only you can decide if you are going to get back on that board and go in again. photo (21)

Last night I built a fire for the solstice and got it going in less than five minutes with only one match, and it was raining lightly. All I could think about was all the times when it took me what seemed like forever to get the fire going. And that’s when these two different metaphors came together for me. Just as I am the only one who can decide to get back on my board, I am also the only one who can light my fire within. I can choose to stay off the board and in the dark, or get on and get that fire going.

Advent Day Twenty-One: Into your groove

One of my favorite podcasts is Krista Tippett’s On Being. She broadcasts a new episode, or sometimes a popular previous episode, nearly every week. Last week she published her conversation with Martin Sheen which revealed a whole new side of this actor to me. A devout Catholic and activist, not just an actor, Martin Sheen was good friends with Daniel Berrigan, Jesuit priest, poet and activist, and often stood side-by-side with him at demonstrations and rallies for peace and justice. (I bet he also knew Corita Kent!) What surprised me the most is that he has been arrested over 60 times as part of his activism. It’s a good listen. I recommend the unedited version. It contains a few extra morsels of thought. photo (19)

This part of the conversation totally relates to what I wrote about yesterday:

I have another phrase I use so often when I’m faced with having to do something that I know I have to do and yet I want to put it off, procrastinate a bit. It’s, “We must accept the cup as offered, not altered.” And so, you know, we always want — “Could you pour some out, please? It’s too full,” or, “Could you put a little sugar in there, please?” “Maybe not today. Can I take some tomorrow?” No, no, afraid not. We have to accept it as it’s offered.

I feel quite blessed to have found these words today and the whole conversation between Krista Tippett and Martin Sheen. I hope you find the time to listen to it, especially on this day of looking to the light. So much of this is about getting to this day, moving through it and then beginning the great anticipation back to the summer solstice. We wait and we listen, and hopefully accept what is given, with as much gratitude as we can muster, when it is good and when it is bad. Happy Solstice. Look to the light.

Advent Day Twenty: Try transforming

Lots of shapes, colors and line converge in today’s collage, and many of the collages made in the past three weeks. Some are down right chaotic. Sometimes the photograph makes them appear less so…other times, like today, the photograph seems to emphasize the chaos. photo (18)

I’m grappling with what my doctor said to me on Wednesday about the need for me to stop avoiding my feelings, and to let myself move through them, creating all kinds of chaos in my brain. These words came to me this week: “I’m guessing there is something comfortable for you about not changing.” Have you ever consider that in your own life? How staying in whatever pattern you are in is easier and even comforting?

It’s like getting into cold water for me. Exhilaration pulsates throughout my entire body when I am able to immerse myself into cold water. The pain and discomfort evaporates because the success of completing the challenge is so great. I know this to be true. But the anticipation of the first part paralyzes me and prevents me from getting to the second part.

Try transforming. Find that thing that is easy and comfortable for you, but is not serving you well and see if you can work through it–in spite of the pain and the discomfort. You are the only person who can do it.


Advent Day Nineteen: Let Go

I received some feedback on Wednesday that forced me to take a look at some of the things I am not doing and avoiding in relation to my mental and emotional health. I even work to avoid considering why I am avoiding it. So do I need to let go of the feedback OR do I need to let go of the things stirred up by the feimageedback. Truly the latter is what I must do. Wish me luck.

Advent Day Eighteen: Keep at it

Anyone who has tried to eliminate a bad habit, or start a new one, knows how difficult it can be, and frustrating. Especially when you know that you actually feel better when you do or don’t do whatever it is you are trying to stop or start. And we all have some sort of thing we want to “work on” so we can feel good. photo (17)

Kelly McGonigal wrote a book dedicated to this called the Willpower Instinct. It is based on a course that she teaches at Stanford designed to help someone stop or start something. She gets at the science behind the willpower muscle, essentially saying that like any muscle you have to keep it in shape, and that when it gets tired, it may not function as well.

One of the first thing she has participants do is begin meditating. Because when you are distracted, you are more likely to give into temptation…meditation helps you cultivate focus. It’s amazing how it works. (Try it. Meditate for five minutes a few days in a row and see how it enhances your focus the rest of the day.) But she also talks about failure, forgiveness, really understanding why you want to make the change and embracing the process versus the outcome.

I keep picking-up The Willpower Instinct, as well as the The Power of Now, and the Power of Habit. I need to return to varying practices of my own that help me deal with stress and process whatever emotional/mental/spiritual blocks that I currently slither through my system.

I keep reminding myself to keep at it, that I can feel good. But I have to do the work. It isn’t just going to happen.