Monthly Archives: July 2012

Stumbling on Happiness

One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them by chance, in a lucky hour, at the world’s end somewhere, and holds fast to the days, as to fortune or fame.

Willa Cather, “Le Lavandou,” 1902

“Maybe this is it, what it means to be happy,” was Doug’s response to me about my happiness project while we were doing the steep walk this morning, deep in the woods, quiet, pausing every now and then as we discussed–too into our conversation to walk and talk at the same time–interrupted only by the birds. It certainly was a great couple of hours, loving the lushness of the forest after these recent rains, and the rhythm we developed as we walked and talked.

Over the past month, different people have suggested books and articles to read, and have asked me how my happiness project is going. Doug suggested I read Stumbling on Happiness, a book he read twice in a row earlier this year. (I’m reading that right now.) One of my cousin’s suggested I read What Next by Ann Patchett. Another friend sent me a link to an article from Psychology Today, Just Being Happy Can be Complicated.

One common thread is how happiness is both work and something that you can’t always plan. Sometimes you just stumble into moments or paths that take you to happiness. But it certainly is something that requires attention, moderation and practice. And it looks different for everyone.

My project is going well. I’ve structured it around a number of resolutions, and I have a great chart that I fill in before I go to bed every night. This alone makes me happy. I love the sense of reward and accomplishment it gives me. And seriously, it has gotten me to floss my teeth nearly every day. Something I don’t think I’ve ever done in my whole life.

I am not successful with all my resolutions every day–not even the flossing teeth, I missed one day. But I am more aware, more present, more mindful, and this is part of the key for me to gaining a stronger sense of self and happiness.

AND, I love how the chart looks visually. It’s related to documenting, tracking and journaling that I do in other areas of my life. (Like my Visual Diary) And it’s helped me identify the areas in my life where I want to devote more time–like my studio and doing nothing. As this first month wraps up, I’m looking forward to modifying the chart for August, stay tuned.

Live your Life, Live your Life, Live your Life.

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I first read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath during my junior year abroad in Paris, in the days before email and internet, when I would spend afternoons and evenings with a hot chocolate or a coffee in a cafe reading. I wrote down this passage into one of my Common Place books:

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 7

I changed famous poet to famous artist, but pretty much all the other things seemed like reasonable and attractive futures, even the Olympic lady crew champion. I decided not to decide and just live my life–hopeful that I wouldn’t starve in my indecision. And in that living, I took more of the track of Europe and Africa and South America with my path being Arizona, San Francisco, the Caribbean, Australia, Europe and the Pacific and on and on, so sort of deciding.

The passage haunted me as the years passed and I saw some figs drying up for me, and I watched some of them plop to the ground. Unsure of how to handle my disappointment–

Now, at 42, some of the figs have definitely dried up and plopped to the ground, for example, it’s unlikely that I will ever be any sort of Olympic champion. Same for the happy home with children. But I am pretty confident that I will do a pull-up one day, and I’ve learned that a happy home doesn’t have to have children. One thing Plath didn’t acknowledge, is that while some of those figs are drying up and plopping to the ground, there are other figs just beginning to sprout. Some figs that you couldn’t even begin to imagine would form. (I definitely didn’t see that pull-up fig, or the mountain biking one, or the love of nature one, or the pet one or how my family and friends have evolved figs.) I know that there are many more figs to come, ones that I can’t even imagine right now.

Letterpress and linoleum cut print, available at PRESS beginning Thursday, July 26

So I am going to continue to live my life, looking forward to the figs that remain, and not dwelling on the ones that have plopped to the ground.

(Life your Life print inspired by interview with Maurice Sendak by Terry Gross on Fresh Air in 2011, and it’s finally finished!)

Chop wood, carry water

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When I arrived home after interviewing for my job as Assistant Professor of Art at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts, Doug presented me with an axe and a bucket.

He knew how badly I wanted this job, and that no matter what happened, whether I got the job or not, I still had to get up the next day and chop wood and carry water.

It comes from a Zen saying, “Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water.” So we went around saying if you get the job, chop wood carry water, if you don’t get the job, chop wood carry water. I got the job.

For me this phrase is more about my inner attitude towards these moments of accomplishment and reward or failure and disappointment. The need to maintain my own inner calm, mindfulness, peace, no matter what the external circumstance. This is what my happiness project is about–being able to radiate, externally and internally that inner calm, mindfulness, peace and happiness. It’s not so easy.

I recognize that like Gretchen Rubin I am blessed in many ways: an incredible man with whom I share my life, a gorgeous home, a successful career, family and friends, my health, and interests that provide me with daily challenges. (like getting closer to that pull-up)

I’m working on a new little book object in my studio right now, it’s the last in a series of mail art exchanges that I am doing with two other Americans and three Australians. (Read more about it here.)

Final piece for Postal Pinocatheca

The text is my inspiration right now as I do my best to be the positive and light person I want to be. It’s short, and you’ll have to wait until late August to see how it comes together, until then, would love to hear what you are doing to be positive and light in the world.

blind corners

lurk

switchback

risk the sure feeder

thread the steady

incline

push

Each of us is the maker of our own happiness

Gold Stars, the Restlessness update

Restlessness

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“The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything is 42.”

Some of you reading this blog will know the origins of that line. I forgot about it, but was reminded this year by one of my students when I was lamenting the completion of my 42nd year on this earth. She smiled at me brightly and said something along the lines of “Good things will come to you in this forty-second year.” I rolled my eyes and thought of the year I turned 20. The year many of my friends gave me sympathy cards in celebration of arriving into my second decade because I was so miserable about that number.

So here I am in this monumental year, grateful for my fabulous job at MCLA, the PRESS project, my honey honey Douglas, my studio work, my family and friends, my gorgeous garden and home, oh and my little animals. Yet I’m restless, amazed that I am 42. That more times than not I am a ma’am, not a miss when I go to the store. I never get carded. That to many 20-somethings I am old, out-of-date and irrelevant. I don’t feel that way, and I am like a week or so away from doing my first ever chin-up in my entire life.

If you look back at my life, it makes sense that I am restless. I went to school like most kids. Then, I graduated from college, worked for five years, then went back to school for two years. Then I worked for five years and went back to school again for two years. Now, I’ve just finished my sixth year of working. I am definitely not interested in going back to school, but clearly, if I really consider this pattern, I need something to change-up in my life. Leaving my job is certainly an option, but I am too committed, ambitious and terrified to do that just now. So then what do I do?

While killing time in the Atlanta airport recently, I saw this book:

Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany one rainy afternoon in the unlikeliest of places: a city bus. “The days are long, but the years are short,” she realized. “Time is passing, and I’m not focusing enough on the things that really matter.” In that moment, she decided to dedicate a year to her happiness project.

In this lively and compelling account, Rubin chronicles her adventures during the twelve months she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier.

Among other things, she found that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that money can help buy happiness, when spent wisely; that outer order contributes to inner calm; and that small changes can make a difference.

Each month she tackles a new set of resolutions, giving herself check marks or gold stars to celebrate her successes.

This last bit made me want to start my own happiness project right away. Maybe this is the answer to my restlessness. Gretchen begins by identifying overarching principles in her life. I have come up with my own personal principles that will guide my path through restlessness. Many of mine are completely and 100% inspired by hers.

Be Melanie
Let it go.
Listen and engage, politely and sincerely.
Act the way I want to feel.
Do it now.
Identify the problem.
RELAX!! (You don’t always have to be doing something.)
Less is more. (Remember to say no.)
Do what ought to be done.
Love.

Next, perhaps the best way thing to do is to follow the Happiness Project lead. There are definitely little things I’ve been wanting to change in my life, and some big things. Gretchen talks about her need to be appreciated and praised, to have the little things she does everyday get acknowledged. She wanted that daily gold star. Enter the resolution chart. A chart that you keep daily to keep you on task for whatever you want to do to create more happiness in your life. (You can get a copy of hers by going to the downloads page of her website.) Gretchen addressed a new set of resolutions each month. And she gave herself the appreciation for doing it with the checkmark or gold start. I absolutely LOVE THIS. I am so motivated by little rewards and commitments like this. (i.e. Nike Training Club.) This seemed like a really fun way to tackle the restlessness.

I have 12 resolutions that I am going to work on, beginning today, July 1, 2012.

Be Melanie.
Tidy/Organize/Purge 30 minutes everyday.
Review schedule and plan specific tasks the night before.
Floss your teeth.
Work in studio minimum one hour four days a week/Work in studio minimum five hours one day a week.
Make time for friends.
Think of small treats and courtesies for others, especially Doug.
Avoid time-wasters.
Show Up.
No Interrupting.
Work on one annoying, difficult or long-standing task for an hour everyday until they are gone.
Sit and do nothing for 15 minutes everyday.

So far today I have been me, tidied for more than 30 minutes, flossed my teeth, avoided time wasters and interrupting. It’s only 3:30. We’ll see about the rest of them. I’ll post an update about my progress later in the week.

If you like this idea, get the book, contact me and maybe we can create our own little Happiness Project group here in the Berkshires. Accountability is a big part of success!